whistling in the dark

hello from Baghlan

2007-12-11T22:33:00.000-08:00

It's been almost three months since I've moved to Afghanistan. I've been quiet about stories and thoughts since in many ways I'm still dealing with some sensory overload. Of course everything is new to me...and even after three months, it still is. I have nothing clever or profound to say thus far (or maybe ever) about my time here since all I have gone through so far are pockets of experiences that I have yet failed to pull together into something of a story (or stories).

As some of you may know, I was in Vancouver for a week in November. After the visit, I realised it would be good to make an effort to keep those interested (yes, I am talking to the three of you who are still asking me to update my blog...) a window into what I'm up to here.

I admit I have been lazy with this blog...but I am interested in keeping in touch and this is my effort, albeit a delinquent effort, to share a bit of what's going on for me. There's facebook now, which means, this might be a bit passe. I've never been up with the techno-times though.

The timing of my trip to Vancouver was particularly significant - I was there for the last week of an 8 month negotiation course at SFU, I turned 30, and it was also the week of Darwin's funeral. Pretty dynamic week. The events of the week forced me to reflect on both life and death. I look at a man like Darwin, who I have known for the past 13 years, and who for many of those years was a significant part of my life, and realise how rare it is that we find people with the dedication, passion and energy he had to invest in people's lives. I can only hope to have a life that has impacted people as Darwin's has.

let's talk about sex!

2007-03-10T02:03:00.000-08:00

'This suggests, then, that the primary criterion for a Christian sexual theology is not procreation but rather faithfulness and commitment. This is the supreme message of the life of Jesus and ought to be the principal standard for Christian sexual ethics – not sexual orientation, not propagation, nor even marriage.'

Interesting article from the Globe and Mail. I was pleased to read Bishop Michael Ingham's article on sexuality and the church. I realise that some have already been talking about faith in relation to homosexuality, marriage, non-marriage relationships...but on the whole these dialogues occur on the fringes. I grew up within mainstream Christian circles where issues of sexuality are easy to assess: Marriage - good if between a man and a woman; pre-marital sex - SIN; homosexuality - SIIIIINNN; and homosexual marriage - ABSOLUTE NO. When I would learned about it, it was usually to justify these beliefs than to truly question some of the fundamental assertions here. Is there still something here to question?

I certainly think so and I do not believe these are givens, no matter what Dr James Dobson of Focus on the Family says. I do question these taken for granted attitudes because I don't think a christian response to issues of sexuality are as clear and straightforward as I often heard it to be. Questions like 'what is marriage?' are overlooked because it's such a pervasive belief that the ceremony is the defining point of marriage, hence the point where man and wife can share a bed. I don't assume that there is a monolithic christian culture but I do think some of the 'truths' that are supposedly fundamental for some to the christian faith need to be reassessed. Some of the dialogues and debates that is already happening amongst some christian thinkers needs to be brought to the wider body of believers to spark conversations on theology that have such lasting impressions on society and culture in general.

blood diamond

2007-03-04T22:52:00.000-08:00

I just saw the film Blood Diamond. It's been out in theatres for a few months now and I've only managed to see it now. It is a compelling story about conflict diamonds from Sierra Leone. The acting by both Leonardo di Caprio and Djimon Hounsou was top notch. I would recommend this movie, particularly because it has more than the stock plots we see too often nowadays. I am also not offering a review of the film, as you probably will find more worthwhile reviews in rotten tomatoes or some other site.

I wrote an article about diamonds in December 2002. It was a look at the diamond industry from the conflict diamonds to the diamond mines in Canada's north. It was written months before the ratification and implementation of the Kimberly Process in August 2003 so it won't provide the evaluation of the Kimberley process but it might give some information about some of the other issues related to diamonds.

The Kimberley process is a certification scheme that creates standards for the import and export of diamonds. It assures the buyer that the rough diamond is purchased legally, without aiding rebel groups (such as the RUF). The Kimberley process though has been criticized from its implementation since it lacks transparency and appropriate monitoring and regulation measures. Since its 'implementation' some have criticized it as a mere publicity stunt for the diamond industry.

Some critics have really been unhappy with the overt 'preachy' message of the film but I am really pleased that the stories so important to the lives of many in some of the forgotten places on earth are still told (though a few years late).

finding home

2007-03-01T17:02:00.000-08:00

I love Vancouver. I woke up to a beautiful white snowy view from my window, and now 10 hours later, to beautiful sunshine. Lovely Vancouver. I've been living here for the past six weeks now. After three years and four months of living in the UK, I am back at my mom's place. It's better than I anticipated. A few unhappy moments, but generally it's been one pleasant surprise after the other.

A few days after I arrived, I started volunteering for this project called Finding Home. What initially got my attention with this project was that it involved Lt Gen Romeo Dallaire, a man who I have a lot of respect for. I began volunteering by managing the guest list for the event but a week after I started I knew I had to get into gear and start earning some $$$.

I signed up for a couple of temp agencies. Through one of the agencies, I finally worked my most useless job ever. It was an elaborate production line to stick logo stickers on dummy wireless cards for mobile phone service providers. I had to measure 2.5 mm on each side with a ruler and make sure the label had no bubbles, lines or imperfections. I spent five spiritless days doing this. They had asked me if I was able to extend my stay with them and I gave them an emphatic NO.

Fortunately, some funds were available for me to be hired on contract for Finding Home. I was hired as the Dialogue coordinator, which put me in touch with a range of people in my field of interest in Vancouver. I also got to work on a project I have a lot of interest in. Very pleasant surprise.

Finding Home is a project directed and created by Jessie Sutherland of Worldview Strategies. It is a project that looks at the meaning of home and what it means to create home. Our event launch was a one day dialogue in the Wosk Centre for Dialogue with Lt Gen Romeo Dallaire and Chief Robert Joseph. It is an innovative project bringing together first nations, metis, immigrants, refugees, youth, artists, senios, government reps, academics and other curious individuals. Jessie's background is in conflict resolution too, so a lot of the project resonates with me.

We are looking to launch different community based dialogues in the next few months, which is exciting. However, my involvement from here on is up in the air as I am unsure what my next steps are to be. I'll keep you posted.

so, a blog?

2007-02-27T10:48:00.000-08:00

I've been inconsistent with this blog pretty much since I started it but moreso in the recent year and a half. I was thinking about why I had this and I just want to go back to that for a moment.

At first I thought this blog would be a good venue for me to spark off some conversation about some of the things I've been thinking about, whether it's about current events, issues of faith, social concerns or other things that keep me thinking. I also thought this would be a good space for me to update people who want to know about what I've been up to. I know in the recent few months, this blog has been neither a discussion venue nor an information site.

I am thinking this hopefully will change in the next little while. It does take some work and thought to keep this blog updated, but consider this mey second attempt.

So for the few of you who still occassionally click on here, your consistency is not in vain (or at least maybe not...). I hope to finally engage you again.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-01T08:56:00.000-08:00

So it's been a while since my last post. It's now the end of a busy and eventful year spent reading in the University of Bradford library and eating too much pasta and pesto. But I am officially a master in conflict resolution!

Since the frantic submission of my dissertation in September, I've been travelling, took a week long mediation course, lived in Dublin and spent a lot of time on the web looking for jobs. It's been a slow and restful time. I moved to Dublin in October and have been in and out of Katz and Wilson's house since then, travelling in between. My other siblings, Mika and Ray, are also here at the moment spending the holidays together. But after the holidays, more changes.

After three years and five months in the UK, I am moving back to Vancouver. According to what I've heard, many things have changed in Vancouver. It will again be a transition for me but I am looking forward to spending time with family and friends I saw too little of these past few years. I can't believe it's been over three years already.

As a new graduate, I always get asked my future plans. The problem is, I don't have plans yet. Of course I plan to work and move forward in a career in making the world a more peaceful place but as for next steps...I'm sure it will come at some point in 2007.

So 2007 already. I'm not sure why I'm still writing here since I've probably only written three posts this year and my mom is probably the only one who still persistently visits this site but maybe I'll be a better writer this year.

should be writing...

2006-07-27T14:02:00.000-07:00

As has been the trend this year, my posts have been few and far between. But now that it's time to write my dissertation, there are two things you could expect from me: stress and procrastination. It might mean I will post more, but that's no real comfort because that also means I might not make any sense. I'd love to post on the ongoing situation between Lebanon and Israel (Stephen Harper!!??? Seriously??), but I doubt I could produce any intelligent thoughts at the moment.

I have five weeks to write 15-20,000 words - and I won't tell you how much I've done so far, as it is quite embarrassing. I have been working hard on it however, I have also been distracted doing other things like travelling, having visitors and watching Grey's Anatomy (well, a couple of things are still ongoing...). But the clock is ticking and I'm quickly losing my hair so I have to get working.

But to carry forward from my last post, Kosovo/a was definitely a worthwhile experience. I spent two weeks in Prishtina meeting with different locals and internationals who are working there. We visited different areas of the region, which are stunning. The highlight for me was meeting the many different people who were generous and hospitable to us. It was a place full of history and hope.

Since Kosovo, I've moved, gone to Dublin to visit my sister and her husband, Katz and Wilson, and to meet with my mom who was there at the same time. I've also gone to a wedding in Newcastle. A few people have also come to visit. It's been a busy time, and now it's time to buckle down and do some work...of course after next week's trip to Berlin.

This year went by so quickly. A lot of the people I've met in the past year have gone or are preparing to go back home, or somewhere else where there's a job or internship waiting for them. Bradford is starting to feel a little empty again.

Well as was part of the plan, posting on my blog has made me stress again about doing work. So before I go to bed tonight (which is in an hour), I better write something intelligent...(who am I kidding?) I guess as long as it's academic, that should be fine.

in kosovo...finally

2006-05-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

After several months anticipating this trip, I'm finally here! I'm here with 11 other colleagues (well, 10 - one was stuck in London and will be arriving today). We're here on a self-organised study group. Today we met with a law professor and discussed issues of human rights, then met with Kosovo's leading independent newspaper, then met with the Minister of Justice. All in all, a pretty eventful morning.

We arrived last night and after the taxi driver took us for a ride, literally and figuratively, we found the guesthouse we are staying in. In what is described as true Balkan style, we were all confused by the arrangements, which took just a little over two quite pleasant hours to figure out. At around 11:30pm, we were finally ready to go look for dinner, which we found an hour later.

The rest of the time here is spent meeting with different organisations and visiting different sites. After this time in Kosovo, I'll be visiting Macedonia for a day and Bulgaria for another three days. Then it's dissertation time after that.

happy easter

2006-04-16T12:05:00.000-07:00

Today has been a glorious day in Bradford. It's the third sunny day of the year, which in itself is something to celebrate already. But it's also easter sunday.

I have been quite preoccupied lately with the work I need to get done for the semester so I have been doing too little thinking about other things. But this easter has been good. I enjoy easter because it gives me a chance to reflect on my faith. I admit to not having really observed Lent this year and I reflected much more briefly than I would have liked, but it was a worthy reflection nonetheless, and one that lifted my spirit.

I like Good Friday and Saturday because it provides this necessary space in my faith for uncertainty, doubt, disillusionment and maybe expectation. On that day Jesus died, I wonder what went through the minds of his followers. I wonder how they felt on Saturday. I imagine they felt lost, unsure, doubtful and depressed even. They didn't know Sunday would bring such news. I appreciate that because too often I anticipate Sunday because as someone in the 21st century, I know the story well. I often fail to stop, wait and wonder. Because in that lowest moment in Saturday, when God seems to have disappeared, that time is still divine time.

And yes, Sunday comes and it's ever sweeter when I've acknowledged the loss and found the resurrection.

Happy easter.

judas helped jesus?

2006-04-06T14:34:00.000-07:00

Sorry for not being very diligent with updating my blog. I am doing fine. Still enjoying the schizo (and yes, I know I'm not very PC) Bradford weather - sun, hail, sun, rain, rain, rain, sun, hail (all in one day)... But that's alright because I seem to stay away from most of it whilst sitting within the protective yet sanity sucking walls of the library. The past few weeks seem like one long day in the library. Yes, that's my exciting life right now.

Some interesting read from the Globe and Mail here. Judas helping Jesus out. I always did wonder about that. I was chatting with a couple of people the other day and someone asked about Satanism. One of my friends was saying that in Satanism the Bible is viewed as the story told by the 'winners'. Someone mentioned that in Satanism, or at least the one he was talking about, Satan could be seen from the perspective that he was the oppressed and God was the oppressor... (If Satan won, wouldn't the narrative be so different?)

Aren't stories so fascinating?

Iraq and Tom Fox

2006-03-18T09:22:00.000-08:00

It's three years since the troops went into Iraq and there are mixed feelings about whether or not the troops should stay in or leave.

On another note but still in Iraq, over a week ago, it was confirmed that one of the CPT (Christian Peacemakers Team) hostages was killed. Tom Fox, one of the four taken hostage was confirmed dead, killed by the Swords of Truth, the group that took him hostage in November. You could read his blog here. And here is an article he wrote the day before he was abducted. My prayers go out to his family. (I blogged about the abduction on 23 Dec 05)

being filipino and canadian

2006-03-03T10:06:00.000-08:00

The past few weeks have forced me on a few different levels to tap into both my canadian-ness and filipino-ness. Two weeks ago I took part in a studio recorded panel discussion on canadian politics, particularly on the recent federal elections. I sat in a discussion panel with four other canadians, and the host, who was also canadian. It was fascinating and nerve-racking, given the fact that I had never done anything like that and I am not all that politically savvy. I was defaulted into the panel being one of the few canadians in bradford. The show might air this weekend but I haven't heard anything about it, but will definitely post some information once I find out.

This past week I also got to sit in on a roundtable discussion with the Philippine Ambassador to the UK to discuss peace issues and sustainable development in the Philippines. I sat amongst much more qualified and informed Filipino students. A wiser person would equate ignorance with keeping her mouth shut, but I suppose, I'm not that wise of a person. Regardless, it was a special time. I got to know the other students here (there were 10 of us in all) and I learned a lot more about the Philippines. I am starting to recognise and acknowledge the Philippines as one of the places I would like to consider for work. If you had asked me five years ago, I would have said 'not a chance' but there's been some stirring in me for the past three years about the Philippines. We'll see what that means and where that takes me.

On a another level, I am thinking of looking to some degree on identity for my dissertation. On an academic note, I think it will be useful to consider how we shape our understanding of ourselves and how we differentiate ourselves from 'the other'. On a personal note, I think it might help me consider how I define myself and recognise some of the labels I give myself to attach meaning to my personhood and hopefully explore some of the questions that I have been asking myself for the past few years. It's all in the preliminary stages of the dissertation right now. I don't suppose I'll really know what I'm saying until the night before its submission.

more on the philippines

2006-02-23T01:24:00.000-08:00

Just to add to the post a couple of days ago, the BBC has posted some photos on the Philippines. An interesting photo collage on poverty in the Philippines.

On another note, on Monday the Philippine Ambassador to the UK is coming to Bradford and together with some of the other Filipinos here we will be hosting him with a roundtable discussion on peace and sustainable development on the Philippines. Don't have a clue what that means but we'll see what we come up with by Monday.

no survivors

2006-02-21T02:06:00.000-08:00

There are between 1000 to 2500 feared dead. 84 confirmed dead. Mass graves and a school buried in the mud. The mudslide in Guinsaugon last Friday is another tragedy hitting the Philippines. Rescuers have confirmed that there are no survivors from the school that is buried.

The news reports give many reasons for the landslides, including a small earthquake, rains and of course deforestation and illegal logging (!!!!). At this time I would like to extend my prayers and thoughts to the displaced families and those who have lost loved ones.

I'm sure some of the bigger humanitarian organisations have come to the aid (at least briefly) of the Philippines. If you are interested in finding out or donating, you could flip through some of their websites. A quick search led me to this.

still around...

2006-02-04T02:48:00.000-08:00

It's been over a month since I last blogged, which is a shame on me. So, happy new year everyone and happy valentine's as well...Thanks for consistently checking in.

I had a great three weeks in Vancouver over the Christmas and New Year holidays. I returned to Bradford sometime mid-January and have not left the library since. Okay, so that's a little bit dramatic but I've been buried in books and papers. My lack of motivation to work in Vancouver (although the break was fantastic) meant I had about four weeks of work to do in a week, which is why I have neglected everything else but sitting in the cold University of Bradford library for the past three weeks. I have a week and a half left to do the rest of my work. And it's looking a little tight but I'll be happy when the crunch time is over and the new crunch time begins (it already has actually, I'm just behind as usual).

Anyway, enough of my uneventful life in the library (although if you sit in the library long enough, you realise what an absolutely strange place it is, with strange people and a strange 'in the library culture').

The new year is an interesting thing. It's a month into 2006 and in the few minutes I have to think of something other than ethnic conflict, landmines and guerillas, I realise that this is quite a significant year for me. Every year is significant but this year is when I am finally going to embark on a potentially life long career of [insert career] in [insert place]. Of course the blanks reflect the ambiguity of the year, and I am quite aware that life constantly changes so 'life long' is may not be reflective of what comes up in September. Still, the openness is both exciting and daunting. A small voice asks me every now and then if I could find something in September and the pressure of finishing my programme, being in student debt and the expanse of the field can be intimidating. But the excitement of finishing a programme I was anticipating to do for a few years, the options available and the places and people I see and meet are overwhelming. I am curious how things will turn out. Of course it's only February. You might note a hint of panic towards July-August, so stay tuned.

I am also keenly aware of my uncertainty about going back to Vancouver. It was a sad moment stepping on the plane in Vancouver going to London and realising that I was unsure when my next trip home would be. It is home and I love being there, but it's not my current home. Again, I might be saying something different in a few months. Lots of decisions to make in the next few months.

It's back to the books for now. I will update. I was quite reluctant to update because I'm tunnel-visioned right now. I can't see past the next article I have to read and that's no fun to blog about, or read about. But perhaps the boredom and tediousness of school work might force me to tap into Angela's alter-reality and I might blog about that for interest's sake.

christian peacemakers hostages

2005-12-23T06:10:00.000-08:00

It's nearly a month since the four men of the Christian Peacemaker Team were taken hostage by the Swords of Truth group in Iraq and nearly two weeks since the deadline passed. Still no word on what has happened.

Their kidnapping has caused a commotion on the news and on the blogosphere, many posing opinions, arguments and questions surrounding pacifism, the appropriate involvement of the West on issues in the Middle East, Christian vs Muslim, right wing vs left wing, and of course the appropriateness of risking one's life for such a situation.

Christian Peacemaker Team (CPT) has been operating since 1984 and was formed with a vision to reduce violence by nonviolent means, particularly by 'getting in the way'. It is a spiritually based group applying non violent direct action strategies in the attempt to protect human rights and manage violent conflict. They have sent delegation upon delegation in some of the most volatile regions over the past several years and have brought change to some of these situations.

CPT has been in Iraq since October 2002, half a year before the US led invasion. Their work there primarily surrounded human rights and supporting UN weapons inspection. As the war and circumstances in Iraq changed, their work shifted, although at all times opposing the war and working on human rights abuses. The kidnappings and death of foreign aid workers in the last year caused the team to downsize and reduce their visibility.

I have great admiration for the many people who risk their lives in support for an alternative to war. It takes such faith and idealism that I'm not sure I have, although I do believe very strongly that war is hardly an option.

Macleans, a Canadian weekly magazine, published an article in its most recent issue questioning the validity of the CPT strategy in Iraq. Should nonviolent resistance, particularly from a Western group be an option in such a place as Iraq? They suggest that if part of the mission is to possibly die for the mission, then perhaps this is the place for it, because although they walk in with good intentions, insurgents and criminals may see them as either another obstacle that must be rid off or walking $$.

I can't believe the number of times I've heard or read something to the effect that 'it's their fault that this is happening to them, they walked right into it.' Granted the situation is volatile, I hardly think that the purpose of the group and of nonviolent action is to get kidnapped, killed or hurt in the process of creating an alternative to nonviolence. There is a chance it will happen, but it certainly is not the purpose. The work of those CPT delegates was to deal with issues of human rights abuses, and to raise an alternative awareness of the situation in Iraq. These aren't suicide missions for the delegates and to suggest that the purpose of going is to die for this cause or that there is no room for sympathy because it is pure foolishness is ignorant and narrow.

I try to remain hopeful but my heart sinks. Hope and pray for the release of Jim Loney, Tom Fox, Harmeet Sooden, and Norman Kember. May Christmas bring comforting news to the families of the kidnapped and to peacemakers everywhere.

UN Habitat Jam

2005-12-01T07:35:00.000-08:00

Got this on email. Looks interesting. Being involved does not have to mean placards...

Habitat JAM -- Dec. 1-3

More than 100,000 people around the globe are expected to participate in this 72-hour online global discussion about urban sustainability -- that will lay the groundwork for the World Urban Forum in Vancouver next June.

The Habitat JAM discussion will have six topics:

- Improving the lives of slum dwellers.

- Sustainable access to water.

- Environmental sustainability.

- Safety and security.

- Finance and governance.

- Humanity: The Future of our Cities.

During the three day on-line discussion, you can communicate with over 70 distinguished guests, such as:

* an awarding winning visionary and green architect, whose theories are being built on the ground in 'New Cities' in China

* the remarkable woman who heads London's envi! ronmental initiatives as Deputy Mayor of London

* the Indian head of the world's biggest slum dwellers' activist group

* the scientist in charge of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change

* the head of the world's biggest and most influential environmental organization

* authors of groundbreaking books

* the President of Canada's aid agency

* the President of the African Development Bank

William McDonough, Nicky Gavron, Jockin Arputham, Dr. Rajendra Patchauri, Achim Steiner, Janine Benyus, Robert Greenhill and Dr. Donald Kaberuka are just a few of the notable participants joining the tens of thousands of citizens and experts in the JAM.

Share your ideas on the future of cities. Everyone is welcome to sign up for free at www.habitatjam.com

doctors, staples and pain killers

2005-11-24T04:45:00.000-08:00

A week ago today (Thursday) I was discharged from the local hospital here in Bradford, the Bradford Royal Infirmary. I left with three stapled holes in my tummy and a pack of paracetamol. It started with tummy pains I was feeling all Monday, finally localising to my right side. The pain was pretty close to unbearable by late evening so I asked two of my flatmates, Danielle and Ahmed, to get a taxi with me to the hospital.

After an hour and a half of waiting patiently in pain, I twice went to the nurse's desk, nearly lying on her desk, initially pleasant later more aggressive, asking (demanding?) what time I'm to see the doctor. Finally, after a dramatic but completely true to life episode in front of the nurse's desk, they took me to the back to a bed where I could be checked and pumped with some morphine.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I ended up being completely doped up with painkillers in the hospital until Thursday. I was told at first it might be appendicitis, then I was told it was not, then I was told it probably was and that they needed to do some keyhole surgery (laparoscopy or something like that). As it turns out it was not appendicitis but a ruptured cyst that caused some problems. On Wednesday night, they performed the surgery and a week later I'm healing well.

My flatmate Danielle spent everyday with me at the hospital, although I was hardly conscious of her or anything going on around me. I also had a few other friends who kept me company and took care of me even after I was discharged. My mom flew in from Vancouver on Saturday and stayed until Wednesday to nurse me back to health. And now, I'm pretty much functioning at regular capacity, although the staples on the three holes of my tummy won't be coming out until Monday.

I'm glad I didn't have to stay much longer in that hospital although the nurses and others were kind to me. It's not a happy place at the best of times.

Bradford and the NHS

2005-11-18T15:25:00.000-08:00

I was discharged from the Bradford Royal Infirmary yesterday afternoon after a few days of pain, morphine and finally laparoscopy (?). But more on that later.

Bradford, the city I now live in, is in the front news of the BBC. One cop was shot and killed, another seriously injured. Check out the news. Bradford gets some bad press and a lot of bad jibes. And unfortunately this episode is another one of those bad press reports that will stick in the minds people's minds in relation to Bradford. Condolences to the families of the victims.

I also do want to note that there are also some positives in Bradford this week. It is the Bradford Peace Festival, where today and tomorrow (among other things these past two weeks) there will be a stall, with activities in the Rawson Old Market between 11am-4pm. If I feel able to wander around the city, I will head over there and see what's going on.

time to read??

2005-11-07T13:22:00.000-08:00

It's reading break and in order for me to make the most academic use of the reading break (as probably what it was intended for), I created a schedule for myself. Day one of reading break and I'm already a few chapters behind...

Nonetheless it's been a productive day. I ran a few errands, some of which I procrastinated to do until today. Also, I went to the first planning meeting with a few colleagues to begin discussing our trip to Kosovo. The department is offering two study trips this year - one to Sri Lanka and one to Northern Ireland. The trip to Sri Lanka is open for about 10 people and all those interested had their names in a hat and unfortunately, I was not picked. I am thrilled though that those of us who were disappointed about being the Sri Lankan rejects decided to plan a trip to Kosovo at the initiation of one of my colleagues. I am in fact, more interested in going to Kosovo than to Sri Lanka. We are at the very preliminary stages of planning but I have high hopes that this trip will be an educational, cultural and FUN experience.

Now back to reading break. I will accomplish the goals I set out for this week. I hope I am able to focus because it's my opportunity to do some of the reading on my reading list and to finally be able to go to lectures prepared.

canada's environmental performance

2005-10-31T05:56:00.000-08:00

Since the report about Canada's Environmental Record was published on the 18th October 2005 (which I briefly blogged about then), I've been disturbed that Canada is one of the worse polluters amongst the industrialised nations. The report shows that the government needs to implement much more environmentally-positive policies. But I also believe that if you're disappointed in Canada's ranking as well, you need not be an activist to make a difference. The report indicated that nine out of ten Canadians rate the environment as one of their top concerns in 2000. So if you're one of the nine, or even one in ten, read on for some tips.

Given that I have limited time, I will keep posting different tips. But to start with, let's talk about water use. Also, you could certainly download the Green Guide by the David Suzuki Foundation. But keep checking in, I'll be posting about waste reduction, energy saving and all the fun stuff that keeps the earth breathing.

WATER

Water is a very basic necessity in life. It quenches thirst, produces energy and food, and cleanses our bodies. Yet water is a source of such injustice - from environmental to social (more on this on a later date - some say the next war will be over water). But our concern for now is how to reduce the use of our water.

Some tips:

try to install water saving shower heads, spray heads etc
when brushing your teeth, turn off the tap. Either use a small glass or spurts of water when needed. Don't keep it running and you could save up to 4.5 liters of water.
fix dripping taps. In a week, a dripping tap could fill more than half the bathtub.
if you use the washing machine or the dishwasher, make sure they are full loads
reduce the use of clean water for lawns by collecting rainwater with buckets if possible
put a brick or stones, or a more sophisticated device made for cisterns, in the water cistern of the toilet to save water with every flush (such as the Water Hippo)
shower, don't take as many baths!
when washing vegetables, wash them in a bowl rather than under a running tap. You could also use the bowl of water to water your plants

That's all I have for now. Until next time.

interesting enough?

2005-10-28T14:33:00.000-07:00

I had such high hopes of writing some stimulating posts about things I'm learning here but as it turns out, my high hopes fall flat on my own desktop. Alas, I am stuck trying to save what seems to be my limited amount of intelligence and creativity to writing this essay I am spending a lot of time on with very little progress. If you do think of me, think of pacifism, and drop me a clever line you think I might be able to use for my essay. Of course, a true academic will not be begging like this...so you could trust that I'm kidding...

one who steals from death

2005-10-28T13:54:00.000-07:00

It's been somewhat of a slow, lazy Friday. Both my flatmate, Danielle, and I are feeling under the weather. I did get some work done, and of course, the word 'some' might even be an exaggeration. I ended up seeing two films today.

Every week my department features a film. This week's film is called Ae Fond Kiss. It's a beautiful film set in Glasgow about a second generation Pakistani who meets the beautiful, independent Caucasian. It may sound cheesy (fortunately I'm not in advertising), but it is beautiful, heartfelt and at times painful.

After the department feature, Danielle and I went home, ordered a couple of pizzas (no wonder I'm feeling ill) and popped in Beyond Borders. Another difficult love story, but this one is set in some of the most conflicted areas in the world. I have to admit that I had a 2-second reconsideration of career choice. This film shows somewhat of the difficulty in humanitarian aid. It was both compelling and intimidating. For a moment I questioned my ability to emotionally handle such difficult situations, and I still do wonder if I'm able to manage - to love enough, but detach enough.

The title of this post came from a line in Beyond Borders. It was a name given to Sarah (Angelina Jolie) by a mother in Ethiopia whose life she attempted to save. It struck me because it reminded me that it is about life. It's about giving someone the chance to live.

bring on the canadian reports...though not always good

2005-10-19T01:50:00.000-07:00

Two articles today caught my attention. The first, and more positive one is from Canada's Globe and Mail, describing how the world has less violence now. Interestingly, the UK since after the second world war has been involved in the highest number of armed conflicts (21), with Canada, coming in with a 5. Read the newspaper article here. But if you're interested in reading the full report, you could find it here. The report is published by the Liu Institute for Global Issues in the very beautiful Vancouver, BC. I want to make it noted though that I haven't read the entire report yet and my initial reaction is - what are the indicators that make them decide there is less violence?

The second article was sent to me by my friend Jesse, who found it in the CNN website. It's a disturbing article discussing the report by my very own alma mater, Simon Fraser University, about how Canada is one of the worst polluters among industrialised states.

Canada's greenhouse gas emissions are two times higher, and major smog-causing air pollutants are two-to-three times higher than the average for other industrialized countries, according to the report by the international environment watchdog group.

Looks like there's a lot of work to do in Canada...and here I was all proud of Canada's environmental consciousness...

Read the article here.

Everyone asks me what I'll be doing after my grad year, and I'm not all too sure. Canada would be nice place to return to but jobs in this field are few. From a purely self-beneficial perspective, I hope these reports encourage more job creation, hence more opportunity for me in a year's time.

Need sleep

2005-10-18T21:55:00.000-07:00

It's 6am. Two fire alarms in one night. People, stop smoking in your rooms! First alarm at ten to four in the morning, the second one at quarter past five.

I have a massive headache and I can't get back to sleep. Today is going to be one inconherent day...although that's not any different from most days.

What's not to love about living in student halls again?

another productive week

2005-10-14T03:50:00.000-07:00

I have probably read a whopping 10 pages all week. It started with my four day weekend trip to London, a visit from my mom to Bradford until Wednesday and a visit from a friend on Thursday night. It's all been fun though, certainly the best possible way to have spent the week.

It's Friday and my initial plans were to spend the whole day working on this essay, of which my draft is due this coming Wednesday. Instead, I will be spending the day grocery shopping at Tesco and trying to prepare a Canadian thanksgiving dinner with a fellow Canadian, Andwele. Now, how about that to postpone doing any work.

I plan to spend the entire Saturday doing work. Some of my colleagues are planning to go to Leeds tomorrow night but unless my rubber arm is twisted, I will be home writing this essay. I guess at some point in the year, the life of a student will incorporate studying.

weekend in London

2005-10-09T01:04:00.000-07:00

I'm in London for a few more hours. I spent the weekend here. Given that my weekends from university are four days long, I came into London on Thursday. It's time to head back though.

I came down specifically for my mom's concert here. She and her piano partner, Dorothy, played to a very impressed crowd last night. I was proud of her, pleased that the organisation pulled through, and exhausted after needlessly worrying about it. Now, the distinguished pianists will be playing in Bilbao in a week after my mom spends a few days with me in my new home in Bradford.

So it's back to Bradford this afternoon. I am enjoying university life again. I am looking forward to a challenging, interesting and inspiring year in Bradford. The colleagues that I have met have all had fascinating and diverse histories, sharp minds and positive attitudes, which is intimidating for me but of course is an opportunity for me to learn a thing or two.

I've had classes for two weeks now and I have often spent time in class searching deep into my brain for definitions of certain words and phrases I have heard during the lecture. It's a high learning curve for me, almost having to learn a new language. My combined current knowledge of history, political science, international relations and critical theory seems lacking which is why I foresee a year buried in books and getting to know the library staff.

But worry not, I will not be spending the entire year just studying. It will be a 'balanced' year, whatever the heck that means.

District 13 (Banlieue 13)

2005-09-25T13:45:00.000-07:00

Bite the Mango is Bradford's annual film festival and this afternoon, my flatmate and I went to see District 13.

Now if you like action films you'll like this. Even if you don't like action films, you still might enjoy the ride. It's set in Paris 2010, a slight futuristic look at a slum, District 13. The two main leads were a cop and a young man from the slums who had to work together to stop a bomb and to save a girl from the drug lord. Stunts are real, if not for a few wires. Soundtrack was good. And both leads were impressive and likeable. Not bad for a French film.

People have said that the plot echoes Escape from New York (which I haven't seen) and is the French version of Ong-Bak (again I haven't seen this). It was slick and fast paced, injected with some humour, and with a lot of running from roof to roof, swinging, and martial arts.

If you have a chance to see it, don't miss this film.

Back behind the keyboard

2005-09-23T15:39:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since my last post. Vancouver was restful and quiet. Visited some friends, family and spent the labour day weekend camping, which was my first actual tent camping. But before you start mistaking me for some outdoor type girl, I have to add that there were proper tiled washrooms, with running water. We had the campfire, smores and everything of that sort, which in my opinion, is what constitutes camping.

But I am now quite far away from all that. I have arrived in Bradford, West Yorkshire, UK to start my postgrad in Conflict Resolution. I came from Vancouver to London to Bradford and it has been an adventurous week thus far. Or maybe just the first couple of days here. Katz came with me, which was my saving grace. She drove a rented station wagon or estate car as they say here, full of my belongings to Bradford. The journey started out with a flat tire and a three hour delay but we made it to Bradford safely.

Now, starting out in Bradford was a little trickier. We arrived at my supposed guaranteed accommodations and were told that my name was not on the list. Apparently I was withdrawn from my accommodations, but fear not, we could unload all the stuff into a temporary room as long as we were out by 9am the next morning.

No way I was going to empty the room with no way to go. So I head to the offices the following morning and to make a long story short, was told I did not have accommodations for the year because of a 'glitch' on their system despite having paid the deposit.

Great. Not only was I out of a place for the year but boy was she arrogant.

Katz, ever full of bright ideas, suggested to talk to the International Student's Office, who then suggested we try this private student hall - the only catch is that we pay the full price of the year on the spot.

Hmmm...that made it a little difficult for me to manage.

But of course, Katz assures me that it will all be taken care of. So I found a place in a building that is less than a year old and moved in within the next hour or two.

I was so relieved that I had a place that when the adventure ended with one of the rudest comments from probably one of the most obnoxious people in accommodations services that I have ever met (can you tell I did not like him) I felt as though I couldn't even enjoy this victory. So after ranting to Katz for a few minutes, we took a walk around the city centre. I have to admit that I was unimpressed, but hey, my hopes are still high.

It's been a fairly busy past couple of days, settling in, getting to know some of my classmates and getting to know Bradford and it looks to be an interesting year ahead. I am so thrilled about starting the programme but I just hope that the IMAX is not the most exciting thing about Bradford.

in vernon british columbia canada

2005-08-14T23:02:00.000-07:00

I feel like the past few days back in BC have been surreal. Since arriving on Wednesday night, I have spent a day and a half getting over something akin to a flu, been to my niece's first birthday party, and been to two weddings, one of which is in Vernon. It is hard to think that a few days ago I was in such a different environment. It's strange not to hear 'bloody' every few words and to see Tim Hortons again (seems to be the place to eat when on a road trip).

Anyway, I'm off to see my beautiful friend Reagen in Kelowna. I expect things to slow down after Vernon and will be able to write about the last week in London, as I'm sure you're all waiting to hear about that.

openDemocracy

2005-08-07T10:35:00.000-07:00

I forgot to mention another newsite. Now this one I enjoy reading.

Written by and for people across the world, from South and North, from the powerless to the influential, we seek to bring together those who are not well-known with writers and thinkers of international repute.

It’s in our name: openDemocracy.net is dedicated to opening up a democratic space - free thinking for the world.

news and schNEWS

2005-08-03T15:05:00.000-07:00

My friend James alerted me to the fact that his sister-in-law's husband (I guess that makes him his brother-in-law?) is the Chief Editor for Global National website and has revamped the site and is adding all these apparently cool techie things to it. I say apparently because it sounds techie, therefore foreign.

I have created a link to it, but I have also added a link to schNEWS to keep the balance. News from opposite spectrums might be good to tap into every so often.

Global National is owned by CanWest Global Communications, owner of Global TV, 10 major dailies across Canada, 27 other daily, weekly or community publications, more channels and more publications. Basically, CanWest is Canada's largest media company and is an example of what you hope wouldn't happen to media ownership. CanWest was owned by the late Izzy Asper, a politician (Liberal Party & staunch Israel supporter) turned media mogul, whose politics dictated the news of the day. His sons who took over prove to be just as 'shrewd' with media business.

On the other hand, a colleague from work also alerted me to another site, which I have also added. It is schNEWS, a UK based weekly direct action newsletter (read - anarchist). It is created by volunteers and as they say,

'Our stories originate anywhere from anarchist literature to the dodgy Financial Times (no, really), from conversations in the pub to the internet. While we always try to be as accurate as possible and chase people up to verify the stories, the idea behind SchNEWS is not to believe the printed word, but to get up off yer arse and go and see for yourself. So articles are often first hand accounts from trusted sources or ourselves as we storm all over the country causing trouble/saving the world/having a laugh.

A little bit of a different flavour of news. Enjoy the smorgasbord.

do the chickens have long talons?

2005-07-25T05:50:00.000-07:00

I saw Napoleon Dynamite earlier last week and I'm still laughing about it. There's nothing deep or profound about it but there's something about it that is making me quote it every other sentence. Rick hasn't seen it but has started quoting it just because he hears it from me all the time. I figured I need to blog it to exorcise it from me - or to find like minded people I could have senseless Napoleon Dynamite conversations with.

Ok...so this post is my official entry seal to geekdom.

when church becomes the object of worship rather than a place of worship

2005-07-20T13:35:00.000-07:00

*note: I am talking about one church throughout, not a general idea of the worldwide Church.

It's been a sad and painful five years to watch a church, one that has been an instrumental part of my life, self-destruct. Perhaps I'm being a pessimist or even worse a pessimist with an ungodly level of doubt, unbelief and low levels of faith. Of course some people might think differently about what's been going on there but like anything else you'll find on this blog, this is my limited perspective.

I am not airing my gripes for the sake of vindication or personal vendetta. I am just tired. Tired of listening to friends tell me of their painful and even destructive experiences there. Tired of seeing church members treated as bank books, goffers or ministry projects'. Tired of seeing pastors crumble under the congregation's expectations to be demi-gods (and of course tired of seeing some of them think they're demi-gods).

I've heard many people say they love 'the church', and I've said that often as well. But what are we really talking about? I have such difficulty at times believing this, especially when I do not see that the PEOPLE are valued - what is loved and valued is the idea, the image, the history...but what about the people? Surely, that's what the church is.

I've had conversations with the pastors and others involved in leadership in 'the church' and am deeply disturbed at a number of things: the manner issues are addressed,the way conflicts are handled, the extent people will go to 'save their own skins', and the disposability of members in the community. And that's just to name a few. But my real issue with 'the church' is this worship of itself. Love 'the church' but in that effort to love this ambiguous entity, destroy the people that make this entity. 'The church' or at least what is held up as 'the church' is separate from the people who are a part of it. Who are we serving? Who are we worshipping? or maybe the question is what are we worshipping?

I know this is not sunshine but I do still have hope. Christ gives me reason to hope. He loves each one in the 'the church'. And I could only hope that even as I watch this church self destruct it is in this moment that Life and Love will rear its head. Resurrection life only comes after death and I hope this applies to a body that has attacked itself.

domestic bliss

2005-07-14T08:34:00.000-07:00

Interesting fact from the Globe and Mail.

"In Spain, where half the men say they do no housework, a new law requires men to share domestic tasks," reports The Christian Science Monitor. "Beginning this summer, men must sign an agreement as part of a marriage contract in civil ceremonies. If a husband refuses to do his share, he could face penalties in a divorce settlement if the marriage fails."

worth killing and dying for

2005-07-13T08:44:00.000-07:00

Today's front page news is about London's suicide bombers. Investigations have led to four men who have died with last Thursday's bombs .

The New York Times also has this article (free registration might be required) about the bomb set off by an 18 year old Palestinian suicide bomber in Israel.

Meanwhile, tension in Manila increases as a crowd of 30,000 gather in an attempt to pressure President Arroyo to resign. They've united to oust Arroyo, but not much else. Groups have gathered with different agendas, many of which might cause more chaos in the Philippines. Unfortunately, there does not seem to be a promising alternative.

Pictures of people taking issues into their hands. I'm sure there's a better way to see change.

Srebrenica

2005-07-11T15:57:00.000-07:00

Today marks the 10th yr of the massacre in Srebrenica, another bitter example of the failure of international peacekeeping efforts. 610 bodies of the 8000 vicitims were exhumed, identified and buried today - 10 years later.

I hate to think that this blog is about the doom and gloom in the world but I do want to recognise quite a significant part in this growing international history and I want to echo Islamic leader Mustafa Ceric, "May grief become hope. May revenge become justice. May mothers' tears become prayers that Srebrenica never happens again."

Together with the recent bombings in London, I am ever more determined to go into the field of peace studies and conflict resolution. Except I can't guarantee that I will be supporting the right policies or that I will be making helpful decisions. I can only guarantee that I want to see this change. I want different outcomes, I want people's lives to be safe and I will study my damn hardest to make sure I know what I'm doing.

from my journal

2005-07-11T15:31:00.000-07:00

I am still really sad about last Thursday's events in London. But I am also impressed at how the situation has been dealt with by the transport authorities and the police. Investigations are still taking place and I do hope that the families of the victims will find comfort and that the investigations move thoroughly and swiftly. Various news sites update the information fairly reguarly, so instead of giving you the details of what happened, I'll write about how I responded on Thursday.

From my journal on Thursday

I think today will be a day I will always remember. I'm finally shaking. I'm sitting in Luton airport waiting to check in for my flight to Budapest. It's packed right now with people stuck here waiting to be able to travel into London. London transport is shut down. Terrorism.

I got into work and heard the news. I'm shocked. I'm not afraid, rather I am shocked, appalled, disturbed, angered, sad but it's only here in this crowded airport that I'm starting to feel it.

It's not the 'it could have been me' thinking or the thought of my own mortality that is disturbing. I'm disturbed because we seem to be fair game. We seem to all be in this war - and not as soldiers, certainly not as generals. We are still civilians.

I'm disturbed because I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say to those hurting. I want to change it.

Lord give me the wisdom. Give the leaders the wisdom.

in budapest

2005-07-08T01:42:00.000-07:00

I am now in an internet cafe in Budapest and am looking forward to a weekend with some friends here although my thoughts are still in London. I am more angry and disturbed than afraid but I will blog about some thoughts a little later.

Thanks for all your messages, emails and prayers.

Terrorism, Trains, Planes & TS Eliot

2005-07-07T03:47:00.000-07:00

So I'll be boarding another plane in the next few hours - maybe. This time I'm off to Budapest for the weekend to visit Amanda and a few other people I met there last year. Rick and I went to Budapest while a friend of his, Jacob, was working with a church there last summer. We met a number of the youth and I'm heading back there this weekend to spend some time with them.

Except all public transportation in London is suspended. Bombs. Explosions. Blood. Smoke. Power failures. Blackened faces. Panic. Fear. Terrorists attacks? Sirens. Two deaths so far. I'm not sure what's happening. No one is sure. I'm at work but have not accomplished anything thus far. Meetings are cancelled. I look out the window and the streets are empty. Whispers around the office. London. Surreal.

'What is that sound high in the air
Murmur of maternal lamentation
Who are those hooded hordes swarming
Over endless plains, stumbling in cracked earth
Ringed by the flat horizon only
What is the city over the mountains
Cracks and reforms and bursts in the violet air
Falling towers
Jerusalem Athens Alexandria
Vienna London
Unreal'

TS Eliot
The Wasteland

'Such elation on one day, and panic the next.' - Bob Bharij, my colleague

protest 4 newsletter

2005-07-02T17:56:00.000-07:00

Check out Protest 4's first newsletter here.

Protest 4 is a call to anyone interested in looking at issues of social justice - a protest for a more just world. I've been a part of the London collective and it's been inspiring. Check out the website, register in the forum and be part of the dialogues.

live 8

2005-07-02T17:28:00.000-07:00

Spent just about the entire afternoon and evening watching the live broadcast of Live8. I was planning to go to today's Make Poverty History gathering in Edinburgh but when my original transportation plan fell through a couple of days ago I decided I did not want to pursue my alternatives - a couple hundred pounds for a flight into Edinburgh, or a 9-10 hr bus ride. Nah, especially not after such an uncomfortable 11 hr plane ride back from Vancouver a few days ago. So instead I made personal history by watching the most tv I think I've ever done in my life this afternoon. If watching the live broadcast of the London concert on TV (with just over 200,000 people!) and the live webcast of the Philadelphia concert (around 1.5 million people!) counts as supporting the movement, then I've done my part I guess.

It was quite spectacular and I'm sure it would have been an unforgettable experience to be in either the concert in London or the gathering in Edinburgh, nonetheless, viewing it all on TV and seeing the global scope gave me hope that we can be a part of something that could change lives in Africa. So Paul Martin - do not disappoint us in Gleneagles.

canada

2005-07-01T18:01:00.000-07:00

I'm back from what seemed to be a long weekend of parties, bbqs and eating in Vancouver. I went home for just under two weeks as a surprise visit for my mom's __th birthday and my dad's __th birthday. I attended a wedding, a few birthdays and ate a lot of food! It was great to spend the time I had with my family. I had little time to spend with friends, many of whom were not aware that I was coming into town. When my siblings and I decided that I would go home as a surprise present to my mom, we decided that we wouldn't tell anybody for the sake of keeping the secret tight, so very few people were expecting me. Apologies for that! and for not being able to see a lot of my friends! I do look forward to August when I'll be spending more time in Vancouver.

July 1st was Canada day so to celebrate I went over to Canada house in Trafalgar Square here in London. There was cake, short shows, some live music and a lot of Canadians. Felt particularly patriotic. So happy Canada day everyone, although a day late now.

Vancouver is such a beautiful city. I am looking forward to living there again. My last five weeks in London then I'm off to Vancouver again for about a month.

counting up my demons

2005-06-13T15:39:00.000-07:00

I have just under two months left in London before spending some time in Vancouver in August and then moving to Bradford in West Yorkshire in September for a year of grad school. I can't believe it's almost two years in London. Time has definitely been moving but I ask myself if I've moved on with it.

I came to London with a lot of baggage and with that a broken faith and not a lot of energy. I hoped that London would provide a place of rest and reflection. And in the busyness that is London I found the time to rest, reflect and start patching up my faith.

What followed my move to London (or probably what prompted my move) was disillusionment and a periodic sense of confusion. Now I've often heard it said that confusion is not from God, which I think is rubbish. I find insightful those moments of confusion that force us to ask questions we wouldn't normally ask. And being in London has allowed me to do that. It's challenged beliefs I held dear, given me the space to hold the questions without answers, and even shifted my fairly narrow worldview. It's also given me space to sort through some areas of hurt and betrayal.

Now, twenty months on, I am not saying I'm sorted or that I've arrived. But I think at this stage, I've come to a place of acceptance, a place where I could at least face what's been haunting me and hopefully move on from here. It looks to be a long journey. But I'm not in a hurry, and neither is the One leading me.

So, the next couple of months is a time of ending in London. I might be brave (or foolish) enough to post some of my demons here but either way, I'd like to remember some of those moments in the past months and maybe share them with you as I close quite a significant period in my life.

she's a jolly good fellow

2005-06-08T13:19:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to my gorgeous sister Mika. In true Angela style, this post is one day late :(

She's the youngest in my family and certainly the ________est. (Since it's your birthday Mika, you could fill in the blank with whatever you want, and for everyone else, you could fill in the blank with whatever you want too! - comments are welcome).

She's skilled with music and with kids. She can play whatever instrument she chooses to play - and well at that - with a real knack for making children want to be around her. Anyone who knows her knows that she's outspoken, and she's not one to mess with when it comes time to eat (or to watch the OC)/

Mika, you have grown gracefully and beautifully. Hope this year is a blast.

(the one with the long hair)

more on darfur

2005-06-06T17:19:00.000-07:00

Click here to see and hear an audio/video report by Nicholas Kristof, an op-ed writer for the New York Times about the rape of women in Darfur. Horrific.

As I mentioned earlier, humanitarian aid workers, particularly Médecins Sans Frontières (Doctors without Borders), are arrested by the government due to their report about rape in Darfur.

For some reading about the sexual violence in Darfur, check out the Human Rights Watch report.

Thanks Sakura for the link to the audio/video clip.

remember Sudan?

2005-06-06T06:16:00.000-07:00

BBC reports some interesting decisions by the ICC regarding Darfur, the world's worst humanitarian crisis according to the United Nations. Two years of conflict, estimated 180,000 dead and 2M have fled their homes - and political wrangling over what to call this conflict - genocide or not - has really crippled international response.

BBC has also provided some Q&A, so check this out if you're interested in reading more about the conflict. If you're interested in something more comprehensive, they also have a comprehensive site.

The situation worsens. Lack of food and water and the harrassment and arrests of aid workers by the Sudanese government can cause further starvation. It's urgent but what else do we need to speed up this bureaucratic nightmare?

God wills it

2005-06-02T17:05:00.000-07:00

I am unimpressed by Kingdom of Heaven but I left fascinated and intrigued (and it’s not just because of Orlando Bloom I hasten to add). I appreciated it, and not for the battle scenes or the horses and the combats, but for the questions around faith, motivations, and perceptions of God and what a good and gracious God is.

A blacksmith Balian, son of a respected knight in Jerusalem Godfrey of Ibelin, after a series of events decides to travel to Jerusalem with his father to search for redemption. The Christian King Baldwin tries to hold the kingdom in peace where Muslims and Christians can live together in cooperation but both the Christian and Muslim communities had eager fighters who were waiting for an opportune moment to truly create this 'kingdom of heaven' - either for the sake of religious zeal or personal greed.

But for King Baldwin and Balian's father, SIr Godfrey, the kingdom of heaven is this, the oath that Balian was knighted with, to be without fear in the face of his enemies; brave and upright; speak the truth always even if it leads to death; safeguard the helpless and do no wrong. It was about protecting the city's peace and his own personal integrity, and those that could not protect themselves.

What is true religion then? Is it about making sacred the city of Jerusalem, to walk where Christ walked and pray where Christ prayed? Or is it to love those who Christ loved? Is it to fight or to surrender?

There are a lot about this film that leads me to rate it second class, including the numerous stock Hollywood epic trademarks - the forbidden love, big been-done-before battle scenes, rags to riches hero - as well as the unconvincing hero (unfortunately) and the slow-motion-happy-editor. I do remember coming out feeling unentertained but intrigued. In a time where Christian/Muslim relationship is volatile, it's a brave move create a film that addresses the Crusades, a sore point for both Muslims as well as Christians. I thought I would be cringing (which I did, but not because of what I thought I would necessarily be cringing about...) at what I expected to be ignorant Hollywood portrayals of black and white Christianity and Islam, instead what I saw went beyond religion to a question of values - peace, justice, power.

sucker for online quizzes

2005-05-26T16:27:00.000-07:00

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative

94%

Postmodernist

69%

Romanticist

44%

Idealist

44%

Fundamentalist

31%

Existentialist

25%

Modernist

19%

Materialist

13%

What is Your World View? (updated)

beautiful world

2005-05-25T16:12:00.000-07:00

My friend and colleague Manoj (Bob) Bharij is a gifted photographer, a charity founder and an all around inspiring person. He has travelled and created a photojournal of his travels to Japan, Ladakh, Iceland, Cambodia, Thailand and India. Please do stop by his website and have a look: http://www.photo.beautifulworld.org.uk/. His photographs are amazing.

Child in Ladakh

Khmer Musician

Iceland

He also runs a charity called a Beautiful World, a charity he started after he spent time teaching English to the monks and nuns in Ladakh.

Beautiful World is a non-profit, non-governmental organisation that offers enthusiastic individuals the unique opportunity to teach English to Buddhist monks and nuns in the starkly beautiful region of Ladakh. Situated in northernmost India, Ladakh is one of the few remaining strongholds of Tibetan Buddhism in the world, possessing a culture that has remained intact for thousands of years.

Well done Bob!

the forgiveness project

2005-05-23T14:36:00.000-07:00

Forgiveness does not mean condoning what has been done. It means taking what has happened seriously and not minimizing it; drawing out the sting in the memory that threatens to poison our entire existence. In these forgiveness stories there is real healing.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu

The Forgiveness Project is an organisation working to promote conflict resolution and restorative justice as alternatives to the endless cycles of conflict, violence and crime that are the hallmarks of our time.

I found this inspirational website today and am reminded of a fellow I met a year ago in the Rwanda Forum I went to. He was one of the speakers and he talked about his need to forgive the Hutus for the death of his family and for the trauma he had to face to survive.

I have not had to face such personal atrocities yet I know I carry a lot of unforgiveness. I see the violence in my heart and know that it's time to let it go. Yet it's difficult. I have not felt justice. Yes, I was wronged. And nothing has made it right as of yet.

But is that truly what I want? To live with anger, defensiveness and such bitterness that my life and possibly others lives would be robbed of true life?

I know I can forgive. If the Rwandan fellow forgave for the death of his loved ones. If Jesus forgave for his own death.

The Forgiveness Project is about people's stories of forgiveness. I know I'll have my own.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14.27

bigger than life

2005-05-21T02:45:00.000-07:00

I shook Sir Elton John's hand the other day. I met Dame Anita Roddick, Body Shop founder and a woman I admire, in the loo. But the real highlight for me were James, Sarah and some of the other Amnesty employees.

My flatmate Nicky invited me to an Amnesty International event on behalf of her dad who was invited to this exclusive building launch. I knew Elton John was going to be there, as it was so creatively called the Elton John Tour.

Nicky and I walked towards the building and noticed a section where the paparazzi were, which made me wonder how big this event was. We then walked into the reception area where Nicky was naming off TV presenters, comedians, actors, columnists and football players who I did not know. We were giddy, intimidated school girls so we headed to the washrooms, as women often do together. While chatting and touching up our lipstick for the #nth time Anita Roddick walks in. We then were quiet as I was trying to think of something smart to say to her, when she then looked at us and asked if she interrupted anything. I smiled, said no, and very intelligently said, 'you look very familiar to me', as though I did not know who she was. Nice one Anj [note the sarcasm].

The evening started with wine and cocktails, a speech by Elton John, a short play and a testimonial. We were then taken by groups on a tour of the new Human Rights Action Centre. We were then led to a reception area for more wine, canapes and a chance to look at some displays, including an exceptional photo display by Carlos Reyes Manzo, who was a former prisoner of conscience during the Pinochet era in Chile. Elton John gave a closing speech but I kept looking around to see if there was a piano around as I was hoping he would play something, but the evening ended with his speech and a chance for me to go up to him right after and shake his hand, which I did.

There were a lot of 'thank you for your support', which made me a little uncomfortable since I did not support Amnesty financially in the way these people did, but I'm sure Nicky passed on their thanks to her dad.

I came out inspired. Not so much by Sir Elton's speech, or my celebrity host (whose name I forgot); the employees there were the real source of inspiration. This is not an easy job - it takes an idealist to see the worst part of humankind and know they can offer a better world. It was my conversations with them that I will take with me. And the many thanks really goes to them for seeing that a new and just life can be offered to people like Carlos Reyes-Manzo. Cheers.

on to trento

2005-05-14T10:17:00.000-07:00

After two days in Venice, Rick and I went to Trent to take up our new friends' offer to come and visit the Italian Alpine region. Of course, a day and a half in Trento is insufficient to truly appreciate it. I did however appreciate the quietness of the town after coming from both London and Venice. We arrived in Trent in the early afternoon, while most people and stores are in siesta. While waiting for our hosts, whose names we did not know at this time (and likewise, they did not know our names!), we decided to walk around the town a little. It's a quiet town hugged by mountains, bearing a mix of medieval, gothic and renaissance architecture. Trent is rich in history, being site for the 16th C Catholic counter reformation movement (Council of Trent) and used to be part of Austria in the 19th C, then becoming part of Italy.

We met up with our excellent hosts and they took us for dinner that night. They opened their homes to us, all the while neither party knowing each other's names (at least not until the following day when we were getting ready to leave). We stayed in Trent for one night before we headed to Cinque Terre, through Verona.

Trent's historical centre is a car free zone, so instead of seeing businesspeople in suits driving BMWs, we saw businessmen with a cigarette in one hand, bike handle in the other, pedalling through Trent in their silk suits.

Rick and I were waiting for our hosts by the baroque Neptune Fountain (above and below) in the Piazza del Duomo. The piazza is right in the historical centre and is claimed to be one of the most beautiful piazzas in Italy. The buildings surrounding the fountain were the Cathedral of San Vigilio, the Palazzo Pretorio, the Torre Civica (which was built in 1200 on the ruins of a Roman gate), and the Palazzo Balduini (dating back to the 15th C).

These are our generous hosts (below). One of the most memorable things about the trip was this couple's generosity. All it took was for Rick to offer his seat on the bus, and we end up in this beautiful town, sharing such a wonderful moment with strangers.

This is a picture of the Torre Verde (below), which is a medieval tower built to defend the port on the river Adige. Where the road is today used to be where the river Adige flowed before it was diverted in the mid 19th C (talk about advanced technology!). This is a place where ships loaded with goods and where tolls were paid to the prince-bishop, but according to our host, this was also the tower where 'bad christians' were thrown off as a means of execution for such hideous crimes such as not going to church...

Here's the view of Trent from the the Castello delo Buonconsiglio, which was one of the more interesting castles I've been to. It has a mish mash of architecture, with different wings built in phases.

The selling point for me deciding to take their offer and hop on a train to Trent is something our host said - apparently it was in Trent (in this castle) in the 13th C where it was decided that women have souls (although I haven't found anything to support this). Now how's that for historical significance.

Trent is definitely one of the most beautiful surprises of our trip. Enjoy these pictures as they are the last digital pictures we were able to take. From Verona on, we were relying on our yellow disposable camera. I'll post those pictures once I see them and get them digitised.

ciao bellos!

2005-05-14T01:28:00.000-07:00

Apologies for not filling you in sooner about Italy. My procrastination (as has been the subject of this blog at times) and my sore-just-started-bikram-yoga body has kept me with jello limbs and an all too clear mind (ha!) But here's a little of what happened in Italy.

Rick and I started out in Venice. From the airport I thought I had figured where we were going, but realised we got on the wrong bus. Fortunately it took us where we wanted to go but in a roundabout way. Anyway during this hour long bus ride, Rick offered his seat to a fellow and I got chatting with him and his wife, who were returning to Italy from Sydney (yes, a two day trek for them). They offered us some espresso to thank Rick and two days later we end up in their house in Trent. But I'm getting ahead of myself a little.

Venice is beautiful - narrow winding streets that could take you nowhere and everwhere. It's easy to get lost, something Rick and I didn't mind...unless I was hungry. Rick made sure to have some emergency food in his backpack because, though I tried to exhibit some maturity and self-control, I turn vicious when hungry + tired.

Rick and I spent two nights/days in Venice. I booked our accommodations the day before we left, which remained our only pre-booked accommodations for our 9 night stay in Italy. It was very good accommodations for the very low price we paid for it though I wasn't sure if it was very good or if I was prepared for anything thanks to the many youth camps and church retreats I've been to. Since there were a couple of unexpected towns/cities we went to, it's a good thing our itinerary was quite flexible.

We spent the two days in Venice exploring the long narrow passageways that lead to more winding streets, seeing what interesting place it would take us to next. There are a lot of things one can do in Venice; Rick and I opted to walk around, eat, sit in piazzas and watch well dressed Italians and confused tourists, eat gelato (which is probably the only consistent thing we did in Italy) and drink espresso instead of going into the museums and galleries. There's nothing like the gelato and espresso in Italy.

Venice is busy, overrun by camera happy tourists like me. Even in its busyness though, it was a city of ghosts. An old city with old buildings, each filled with centuries old stories. It's no wonder many artists have found inspiration here. Given the time, I'm sure we would have tapped into some of the Venetian inspiration - alas, two days is enough to see the city, but not enough to truly explore it.

buon giorno

2005-05-08T15:57:00.000-07:00

Back from the land of Italy and back to somewhat regular life in London. After a two week visit Rick got on a flight back to Vancouver this afternoon. After seeing him off at Heathrow Van and Omar had me over their place to cheer me up. We decided to watch The Godfather, which is somewhat a strange and even warped choice if one is looking for something fun and cheery but I guess it follows on the Italian theme of the past couple of weeks, and is a brilliant movie anyway.

Our trip to Italy was so full of surprises. We visited Venice, Trent, Verona, Cinque Terre, Florence, Siena, Certaldo and Pisa. Quite a few places in nine days. All of them packed with vignettes, some of which I'll blog about. As for now, it's time for me to get to bed, and get ready to put in a full day's work tomorrow.

spring brings...

2005-04-24T10:47:00.000-07:00

some sunshine, allergies, a few farewells, a much anticipated visit, and a trip to Italy.

This weekend started out with a colleague's leaving do on Friday night. Jo and I work for different organisations but together we were running a partnership training programme. I worked closely with her for eight months but she has now decided to take some time off for maternal reasons.

Saturday afternoon, I went to Julie L's leaving do at The Old Ship in Hammersmith. She's heading back to Vancouver after close to three years in London. She moved to London a year before I did and has been a principle character in my London experience. Although I know that I could expect to see her again in Vancouver, our last hug and well wishes were still difficult and sad. I am gutted she's leaving.

I left Julie's leaving do early because the smoke in the pub started aggravating my already highly active spring allergies and on my way home, I realised another friend who I met in London, Jon L, was moving back to the Philippines at the end of April and that last night would have been my last chance to see him. We arranged to meet for dinner close to London Bridge and again, I offered a farewell.

So far, this weekend has been a string of partings.

This morning at church was no different. One of the ministers celebrated his last day with the congregation today. Departure blessings were offered during the service and once again another farewell.

Spring seems to bring the 'move on'. It's a weekend of endings.

I don't think I've ever had to bid adieu as many times as I have in the past two years (and never so much in one weekend either!). Farewell is something I am better able to anticipate and accept but I don't think it's less affective. No matter how imminent it is, when the time comes, it often is difficult. But comings and goings also make those times of meeting ever more sweet.

Tomorrow I will be at Heathrow airport. Fortunately instead of another farewell, I will be welcoming Rick to London. He will barely have enough time to take a nap in London before we zoom off to Italy - Venice, Tuscany and Cinque Terre. Though brief, I look forward to these two weeks of his good company, warm weather (hopefully), lots of Claritin, and Italian scenery.

It'll be a sweet two weeks and another bittersweet farewell.

can't do any more all nighters

2005-04-16T09:21:00.000-07:00

I apologise for my short self righteous rant on the previous post. I think my experience going to the trade justice vigil all the more made me realise how little I know.

The night started at Westminster Abbey so Nicky (my flatmate) and I headed over there for about 10PM. We joined the long queue (as queuing seems to be what the night was about...) and still failed to get into the Abbey because both the Abbey and the overflow area was full. They hadn't anticipated the 15,000-20,000 people who showed up.

Nicky's mom, Jane, was there, who by the way was what tipped the decision to go and stay for the night. If her mom could do it, certainly I can too (although I'm feeling absolutely wasted today - can't do all nighters anymore it seems). We met up with Jane and headed to Whitehall to wait for the start of the vigil.

So many people. I could hear a youth group humming and playing on harmonica 'This Little Light of Mine'; college students singing with a guitar 'get up stand up'; a madman yelling for Tony Blair to wake up; chanting trade justice, trade justice; yelling, singing, talking, laughing, just plain noise making...

But here's the most beautiful moment for me. Right when Big Ben chimed midnight, all thousands of people fell silent for a minute (alright, all but un loco who sounded like a drunk guy), lifted their candles, said a prayer or offered a silent thought.

Immediately afterwards, all three of us headed to a debate on fair trade/free trade in St Margaret's church (which is right next to Westminster Abbey) which really challenged me to understand economics much better. I also attempted to watch a 90 minute film by Naomi Klein called 'The Take'. I say I attempted because I got into the theatre and slept through the first hour and ended up watching a third of it. I would recommend the little I watched though. And would like to see the first part of it when I'm in a better position to.

The morning ended with a march around Whitehall, Parliament, Embankment. I started out very zombie like, my body was moving but my mind was asleep. After about 20 minutes or so, someone started playing their bongo drums while marching, which brought life into me but Nicky and I headed back before we reached the final destination. I was exhausted by the time I got home but I remember walking away from the final march, looking back and feeling overwhelmed at the sheer number of people who came out. There were seniors and middle aged people, families and college aged. But what surprised me were the number of 15-18 year olds (probably more than half). Many of which held home made signs and brought instruments and noise makers. I don't remember caring for much more than 90210 when I was their age.

I rarely walk around London at night, but last night was quite surreal. Walking from venue to venue there were pockets of people together, some with candles lit and others with music. London felt safe and warm. It's rare for me to see the sunrise so although at that point I was tired, annoyed and irritated at myself for staying up, I momentarily was able to appreciate how beautiful it was when sunlight started appearing. Now it's time for bed.

Anyway, to all you reading, have a bloody good day.

trade justice

2005-04-11T12:11:00.000-07:00

A garment factory collapsed in Bangladesh. As far as the reports go, at least 17 have been killed and over 200 are buried in the rubble. Such a tragedy!

It's a terrible welcome to the Global Week of Action, a week where networks, organisations, and campaigns get together in joint action to challenge the injustices of free trade. This Friday in London, there will be a Wake Up to Trade Justice Vigil in Whitehall, which crazily enough my flatmates and I are planning to go to. It starts at 10PM at Westminster Abbey and continues on to Parliament Square. A number of different venues will offer a variety of events during the night into the early morning - everything from films, to food, to puppet making and to writing your own protest songs!

So, why am I going? I'm not one to carry placards or to chant protest songs on the streets but I do know that everyone deserves to live fairly. Over 2.8 billion (nearly half of the world's population) live on less than US$2 a day and free trade is only aggravating the problem of poverty. I am compelled by the stories of child soldiers, trafficked women, and factory workers. I remember that I am called to administer true justice, to show mercy and compassion, to defend the orphan, widow and the poor, and to speak for those who have no voice.

So if you're in London this Friday, drop me a line and maybe I'll see you in Westminster Abbey.

highs and lows

2005-04-09T04:05:00.000-07:00

I'm so pleased it's the weekend. I don't think I've ever had a week at work where everything was just about wearing my patience as thin as it was yesterday. So, to celebrate my Friday night, I came home, ate sushi with Nicky (my flatmate) and decided that it was time for bed by about 6:30pm. Sad I know.

I managed to catch a little bit of the pope's funeral yesterday which was quite moving. There are few people whose life and death have brought together people from all over the world. It was somewhat a sombre celebration of the life of a man who shaped an aspect of church and faith, brought together the world's youth and challenged existing social institutions.

Well, his funeral was reason enough to move the royal wedding a day later. So, on this glorious Saturday afternoon, I confess that I'll want to turn attention (just slightly) to watch British reporters' cover Charles and Camilla's wedding. In the many years I've been alive, I haven't seen a pope's funeral or a royal wedding of sorts (that I could remember). In case I ever attempt to take the moral high ground, remind me that I was interested in watching the Charles and Camilla wedding.

Speaking of how old I am, I have also been told this week that I remind someone of his grandparents. Don't know if it's because I've started commenting on the morality of TV shows or the way the young ones dress nowadays (or being in bed by 6:30!) but I seem to have aged very quickly.

world on fire

2005-04-08T00:26:00.000-07:00

This has been around for a few months now but as I was listening to Sarah McLachlan this morning I thought it might be a good link for those who haven't seen her World on Fire video. It's moving, inspiring, heartfelt. Must see.

believe in fairies?

2005-04-02T15:30:00.000-08:00


Finding Neverland is one of the sweetest films I've seen this year.  It was tender, gentle, and beautiful.

The film shifts beautifully between the world of fairies and flying and the world of Victorian London - injecting hope into both life and death. Fact or fiction, it still is a moving film.

I would love to be able to see with such colour and life.  I've been thinking about creativity and I wonder what I would see if I was to give myself permission to such creative expression. I feel as though I often come to blocks and feel the need step back and resort to what's in the box already. Any suggestions? 

But really, I guess I just have to believe in fairies to see Neverland.

oops....

2005-04-02T10:07:00.000-08:00

I thought I had deleted the comments on previous posts but they're there if you click on the post titles. I seem to have gotten ahead of myself, thinking I'm all techno savvy...

I cut and paste a few codes to get this trackback (?) on the blog but I honestly don't understand what happened. Oh well. The trackback is there and the comments are somewhere at least.

friends - new and old

2005-04-02T09:04:00.000-08:00

So, I had quite an unexpected week - though I procrastinated, I couldn't ask for a different Easter weekend.

I went to a stations of the cross exhibition at church.co.uk on Wednesday eve (two Wed ago!) called the Icons of Easter, organised by the local church community with artwork by local artists, a school and members of the headspace community.

After a conversation with Shannon (a friend who happens to be a hub of sorts) at the exhibition I decided to visit Cambridge, where I met and stayed with Shannon's friends Phu-tan and Maggie. I was unsure what to expect but it only took a couple of minutes for me to know that I was in for quite a brilliant weekend with them. Great conversations, good food (thanks PT!) and a couple of films later with them (and Shannon as she decided to come to Cambridge the following day), I am convinced of 'Divine coincidences'. I arrived into Cambridge on Friday and left on Sunday afternoon.

This past week Joseph Bonifacio was visiting from Manila. I knew him as a young lad, barely hitting adolescence when I left Manila ten years ago :) Now that he's an adult, it's reminded me that I too have aged 10 years. I find that I'm reminded of my age when I see people I knew as little kids grow up and prove to be smarter than me...

Spent some time as a tourist in London with Joe - walking around the city and South Bank, V&A, watching Phantom (thanks to Joe). After living here for a year and a half, walking around with someone who's new to the city was quite refreshing. It made me appreciate being in London again.

As my gorgeous belly dancing friend r said on the previous post's comment we often can't plan such cool moments. People we meet - new friends and old - is what makes life rich and fascinating. I could've planned the past week earlier but the moments with people are what makes life special - and even in my procrastination there was something Divine. Grace can't be planned.

Daffodils & procrastination

2005-03-24T06:57:00.000-08:00

I've had a two-day work week. I took a couple of days annual leave and I kept putting off making plans to go anywhere or do anything during this long weekend. So, I find myself on the second day of my long Easter weekend at home and in front of the computer. I've procrastinated. That's alright though, I will book my travel arrangements right after this post.

I told myself late last year that I would finally get fit by the summer. Without fail every week since that initial thought of commitment I assured myself that I would start the following Monday. Now it's spring and I've postponed it until now. I'll start right after Easter I guess.

And yes, speaking of spring...from the kitchen I could see the gorgeous bright daffodils my flatmates so dutifully cared for. Fortunately they were in someone else's care as I probably would have put off watering them until the last possible moment.

Gosh...am I really that unreliable??

Abortion - is it an issue to debate about?

2005-03-16T14:07:00.000-08:00

The Independent had this on the front page today. Abortion - is it an election issue or not?

embarrassment

2005-03-15T13:34:00.000-08:00

Some days on my way home I start sensing this embarrassment. As though I did or said something that I shouldn't have (or if I'm feeling particularly optimistic - an experience I could learn from I guess). Today is one of those days...

Well, I guess I could learn from it once I nail down what dopey thing I got myself into today.

where in the world is africa?

2005-03-14T15:42:00.000-08:00

The past week is what I would call my Intro to Africa week. It was an emotional roller coaster ride. It started fun, light and entertaining with a ticket to the West End musical version of the 'The Lion King' on Tuesday, remained hopeful but a little more subdued when I attended a fair trade reception at the church.co.uk waterloo centre where a coffee bean producer from Ghana spoke on Wednesday. I was uplifted by Africa's hypnotic rhythms with a visit to the Salon Afrique in the Royal Festival Hall on Saturday followed by such a bitter crash after watching the horrific reality of the Rwandan genocide as portrayed in Hotel Rwanda on Saturday. Even Sunday proved to be both hopeful and angry as I wandered through the Hayward Gallery's Africa Remix exhibition.

This year is Africa 05. It is a year Britain is celebrating Africa. A range of events and activities planned nationwide coupled with a political push to address development issues in Africa will mark this year's efforts. Africa is on the agenda of the G8 conference in Scotland this July, which might prove to be a pivotal point in the move towards reducing poverty by half by 2015, particularly in Africa. Hopefully.

Maybe a read through Our Common Interest - Report of Commission for Africa (a little ambitious for me I know) which was published on Friday, 11 March would lift my hopes. I do wonder where it is in the world's scheme of things. But also, where is it in my heart's scheme of things?

why whistling?

2005-03-14T11:14:00.000-08:00

I've been asked by someone smart and perceptive why I'm whistling (yes shelaine, i'm talking about you). A quick search on Google will lead you past a song by the group 'They Might be Giants', past an online game, and a 1941 black and white movie among others to a book by Frederick Buechner called 'Whistling in the Dark', which is where I get the title from (is that plagiarism? Intended to be a tribute of sorts...).

Frederick Buechner is one of my most treasured authors. His humour, sincerity and insight have guided me through both mundane and challenging times in the past two years. 'Whistling in the Dark - A Doubter's Dictionary' is a collection of everyday words with, in the Buechner way, an injection of insight and mystery. He describes faith as 'a kind of whistling in the dark', which was a pertinent analogy for me, at least certainly for my faith.

Whistling in the dark to me is about enjoying, appreciating, and living in the mystery of 'I AM'. Perhaps it's about creating music amidst the questions and uncertainty; and further to that, it's about seeing the grace and beauty in the uncertainty - not because I am denying an apparent disaster, but because what lies ahead is not mine to worry about.

So, in Buechner's words:

I think of faith as a kind of whistling in the dark because, in much the same way, it helps to give us courage and to hold the shadows at bay. To whistle in the dark isn't to pretend that the dark doesn't sometimes scare the living daylights out of us. Instead, I think, it's to demonstrate, if only to ourselves, that not even the dark can quite overcome our trust in the ultimate triumph of the Living Light. Hence the title.

Angela Trivia: I learned how to whistle only a few years ago. I was so intent on learning that as I was practising I apparently annoyed those around me because I had distracted them during a church Christmas celebration. My whistling is flat and in no way musical so clearly all this remains a metaphor.

London Bridge

2005-03-09T14:43:00.000-08:00

A conversation between a young boy of six and his mom in the train on my way home about a week ago:

Boy: Mum, is this where we get off?
Mom: No, this is Blackfriars. We have one more stop.
Boy: [singing] London Bridge is falling down, falling down...
(a minute later, singing stops)
Boy: Mum, what bridge is this?
Mom: This is Blackfriars.
Boy: So Mum, is it true that London Bridge hasn't fallen down? [looking confused]

Time to celebrate

2005-03-08T15:42:00.000-08:00

“Woman,” he [Jesus] said, “why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”

Today is the internationally recognised day to commemorate women and their (of course I mean 'our' although at this point I haven't done a whole lot) efforts and achievements in advancing women's equality in the world. March 8 as International Women's Day was first established in 1977 by the United Nations but it was a full sixty eight years earlier that the first women's day was recognised.

I am aware that there are Women's day events in London but I generally felt as though today was somewhat of a non-event. I confess that if it wasn't for my reliable 'Far Side Daily Calendar' I probably would have forgotten today's significance. I am disappointed that there was little in the way of reminding in the papers. In the Metro all I saw was a picture and its caption of Filipino women celebrating with masks and 'vagina hats'. The front page screamed of how two police officers were jailed for taking advantage of women while on duty and subsequent articles described how little girls of five worry about body weight and how Future Foundation researchers found that although men are more proficient in technology, women exceed men when it comes to using the washing machine! Of course in defense of the Metro, they also included a number of information articles about pregnancy and motherhood. Hmm...so much for hearing me celebrate!

But I also know we have come a long way. I am deeply grateful for the many women who have fought for what I now often take for granted. I can now vote. I can go to university and get an education. I can work and have children. I can have an opinion and speak my mind. I know that I am higher on the equality scale now than a woman not many years ago. We are doctors, mothers, judges, lawyers, aid workers, engineers, writers, athletes, filmmakers, care givers and many others.

And yes, we do have a way more to go. We still have myriad issues that affect women primarily (although not exclusively) - violence against women including domestic violence, trafficking & prostitution, feminisation of poverty, less access to training and educational resources, occupational segregation and the lack of recognition of women's non-trade work among some of the issues. The list is discouraging and overwhelming and perhaps even disheartening. Yet I do know that our struggle isn't one that's lost. We have women who continue to challenge the status quo. We have women with faith that could move mountains. And we have a God that is fighting with us. We have a God concerned about our dignity, liberty and equality.

So woman, keep your head up. Let us continue in the struggle because I know there are still better days ahead.

Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed from that moment.

Friday night

2005-03-04T12:46:00.000-08:00

Tonight is a Friday night at home. After an eventful week, the comforts of a warm and peaceful home is so satisfying.

I've made more of an effort this past week to engage with the cultural energy in London. I've been living in London for about 18 months, spending the first few in a cultural blitz but finding my enthusiasm for all things new eventually fizzling into uninspired intentions to continue exploring. But this week was different. I visited the National Gallery, Greenwich, and a disappointing Douglas Coupland exhibit on Canadian identity. I also went to see a Rodrigo y Gabriella guitar duo concert in the Jazz Cafe, and sat in two evening lectures at the LSE - one by Body Shop founder, the inspiring Anita Roddick and another by Dr Ordonez on UNESCO's Education For All programme.

So this week has been stimulating - music, art, faith, politics and economics. And to top it all off, I woke up to such a picturesque morning. From the kitchen window, the snow kissed trees looked glorious. Times like this, I look out the window satisfied. Doubts about London seem strange and even inappropriate.

Meanwhile, back in Canada, it's a sad day; the flags are flying at half mast. It's tragic and my thoughts and prayers will be going out to the families of the four Mounties. God speed.

Cyber lingo

2005-03-04T10:26:00.000-08:00

As proud as I am to have started something so technical as a blog (I know that sounds a little pathetic, what can I do, I'm a little bit of a technophobe) I realise that I am also somewhat behind with the lingo of the techno-times. Thanks to today's Canadian Globe & Mail I might be as good with my techie lingo as I am with my hip hop.

Being dooced: "In the strange world of urban slang, being dooced means losing your job for something you wrote on your blog or website," says Britain's Independent newspaper.

Cyberbangers: "As authorities crack down on gang activity on the streets," reports The San Jose (Calif.) Mercury News, "self-proclaimed gangsters are going on-line, turning portions of websites . . . into virtual turfs where rivals exchange threats and 'throw up' their numbers and neighbourhood names under the anonymity of the Internet."

Facebooking: On many North American campuses, says The Kansas City Star, "facebook" is now a verb, as in "I facebooked you last night." It's not an insult. Students post their profiles and photos on the website http://www.thefacebook.com, then choose the amount of access they want to give other students. It was created by Harvard students at first. Students need an ".edu" e-mail address at a Facebook-admitted college to register.

Modders: Computer "modifiers," who enjoy revving up a PC's performance and dressing up computer cases much as an auto enthusiast would customize a car.

blinking and blogging

2005-03-01T15:18:00.000-08:00

I've been watching many conversations on blogs grow in scope and depth, addressing, challenging, mocking, celebrating, questioning and just plain observing many facets of life and I suppose this is my modest yet hopeful (perhaps a bit self-indulgent) attempt to be a part of this conversation. It might also be a good way to keep in touch with people all over the world...and perhaps to also find out if it's as fun as bloggers claim it to be. Welcome.