counting up my demons

I have just under two months left in London before spending some time in Vancouver in August and then moving to Bradford in West Yorkshire in September for a year of grad school. I can't believe it's almost two years in London. Time has definitely been moving but I ask myself if I've moved on with it.

I came to London with a lot of baggage and with that a broken faith and not a lot of energy. I hoped that London would provide a place of rest and reflection. And in the busyness that is London I found the time to rest, reflect and start patching up my faith.

What followed my move to London (or probably what prompted my move) was disillusionment and a periodic sense of confusion. Now I've often heard it said that confusion is not from God, which I think is rubbish. I find insightful those moments of confusion that force us to ask questions we wouldn't normally ask. And being in London has allowed me to do that. It's challenged beliefs I held dear, given me the space to hold the questions without answers, and even shifted my fairly narrow worldview. It's also given me space to sort through some areas of hurt and betrayal.

Now, twenty months on, I am not saying I'm sorted or that I've arrived. But I think at this stage, I've come to a place of acceptance, a place where I could at least face what's been haunting me and hopefully move on from here. It looks to be a long journey. But I'm not in a hurry, and neither is the One leading me.

So, the next couple of months is a time of ending in London. I might be brave (or foolish) enough to post some of my demons here but either way, I'd like to remember some of those moments in the past months and maybe share them with you as I close quite a significant period in my life.

she's a jolly good fellow

Happy birthday to my gorgeous sister Mika. In true Angela style, this post is one day late :(

She's the youngest in my family and certainly the ________est. (Since it's your birthday Mika, you could fill in the blank with whatever you want, and for everyone else, you could fill in the blank with whatever you want too! - comments are welcome).

She's skilled with music and with kids. She can play whatever instrument she chooses to play - and well at that - with a real knack for making children want to be around her. Anyone who knows her knows that she's outspoken, and she's not one to mess with when it comes time to eat (or to watch the OC)/

Mika, you have grown gracefully and beautifully. Hope this year is a blast.

(the one with the long hair)

more on darfur

Click here to see and hear an audio/video report by Nicholas Kristof, an op-ed writer for the New York Times about the rape of women in Darfur. Horrific.

As I mentioned earlier, humanitarian aid workers, particularly Médecins Sans Frontières (Doctors without Borders), are arrested by the government due to their report about rape in Darfur.

For some reading about the sexual violence in Darfur, check out the Human Rights Watch report.

Thanks Sakura for the link to the audio/video clip.

remember Sudan?

BBC reports some interesting decisions by the ICC regarding Darfur, the world's worst humanitarian crisis according to the United Nations. Two years of conflict, estimated 180,000 dead and 2M have fled their homes - and political wrangling over what to call this conflict - genocide or not - has really crippled international response.

BBC has also provided some Q&A, so check this out if you're interested in reading more about the conflict. If you're interested in something more comprehensive, they also have a comprehensive site.

The situation worsens. Lack of food and water and the harrassment and arrests of aid workers by the Sudanese government can cause further starvation. It's urgent but what else do we need to speed up this bureaucratic nightmare?

God wills it




I am unimpressed by Kingdom of Heaven but I left fascinated and intrigued (and it’s not just because of Orlando Bloom I hasten to add). I appreciated it, and not for the battle scenes or the horses and the combats, but for the questions around faith, motivations, and perceptions of God and what a good and gracious God is.

A blacksmith Balian, son of a respected knight in Jerusalem Godfrey of Ibelin, after a series of events decides to travel to Jerusalem with his father to search for redemption. The Christian King Baldwin tries to hold the kingdom in peace where Muslims and Christians can live together in cooperation but both the Christian and Muslim communities had eager fighters who were waiting for an opportune moment to truly create this 'kingdom of heaven' - either for the sake of religious zeal or personal greed.

But for King Baldwin and Balian's father, SIr Godfrey, the kingdom of heaven is this, the oath that Balian was knighted with, to be without fear in the face of his enemies; brave and upright; speak the truth always even if it leads to death; safeguard the helpless and do no wrong. It was about protecting the city's peace and his own personal integrity, and those that could not protect themselves.

What is true religion then? Is it about making sacred the city of Jerusalem, to walk where Christ walked and pray where Christ prayed? Or is it to love those who Christ loved? Is it to fight or to surrender?

There are a lot about this film that leads me to rate it second class, including the numerous stock Hollywood epic trademarks - the forbidden love, big been-done-before battle scenes, rags to riches hero - as well as the unconvincing hero (unfortunately) and the slow-motion-happy-editor. I do remember coming out feeling unentertained but intrigued. In a time where Christian/Muslim relationship is volatile, it's a brave move create a film that addresses the Crusades, a sore point for both Muslims as well as Christians. I thought I would be cringing (which I did, but not because of what I thought I would necessarily be cringing about...) at what I expected to be ignorant Hollywood portrayals of black and white Christianity and Islam, instead what I saw went beyond religion to a question of values - peace, justice, power.