counting up my demons

I have just under two months left in London before spending some time in Vancouver in August and then moving to Bradford in West Yorkshire in September for a year of grad school. I can't believe it's almost two years in London. Time has definitely been moving but I ask myself if I've moved on with it.

I came to London with a lot of baggage and with that a broken faith and not a lot of energy. I hoped that London would provide a place of rest and reflection. And in the busyness that is London I found the time to rest, reflect and start patching up my faith.

What followed my move to London (or probably what prompted my move) was disillusionment and a periodic sense of confusion. Now I've often heard it said that confusion is not from God, which I think is rubbish. I find insightful those moments of confusion that force us to ask questions we wouldn't normally ask. And being in London has allowed me to do that. It's challenged beliefs I held dear, given me the space to hold the questions without answers, and even shifted my fairly narrow worldview. It's also given me space to sort through some areas of hurt and betrayal.

Now, twenty months on, I am not saying I'm sorted or that I've arrived. But I think at this stage, I've come to a place of acceptance, a place where I could at least face what's been haunting me and hopefully move on from here. It looks to be a long journey. But I'm not in a hurry, and neither is the One leading me.

So, the next couple of months is a time of ending in London. I might be brave (or foolish) enough to post some of my demons here but either way, I'd like to remember some of those moments in the past months and maybe share them with you as I close quite a significant period in my life.