when church becomes the object of worship rather than a place of worship

*note: I am talking about one church throughout, not a general idea of the worldwide Church.

It's been a sad and painful five years to watch a church, one that has been an instrumental part of my life, self-destruct. Perhaps I'm being a pessimist or even worse a pessimist with an ungodly level of doubt, unbelief and low levels of faith. Of course some people might think differently about what's been going on there but like anything else you'll find on this blog, this is my limited perspective.

I am not airing my gripes for the sake of vindication or personal vendetta. I am just tired. Tired of listening to friends tell me of their painful and even destructive experiences there. Tired of seeing church members treated as bank books, goffers or ministry projects'. Tired of seeing pastors crumble under the congregation's expectations to be demi-gods (and of course tired of seeing some of them think they're demi-gods).

I've heard many people say they love 'the church', and I've said that often as well. But what are we really talking about? I have such difficulty at times believing this, especially when I do not see that the PEOPLE are valued - what is loved and valued is the idea, the image, the history...but what about the people? Surely, that's what the church is.

I've had conversations with the pastors and others involved in leadership in 'the church' and am deeply disturbed at a number of things: the manner issues are addressed,the way conflicts are handled, the extent people will go to 'save their own skins', and the disposability of members in the community. And that's just to name a few. But my real issue with 'the church' is this worship of itself. Love 'the church' but in that effort to love this ambiguous entity, destroy the people that make this entity. 'The church' or at least what is held up as 'the church' is separate from the people who are a part of it. Who are we serving? Who are we worshipping? or maybe the question is what are we worshipping?

I know this is not sunshine but I do still have hope. Christ gives me reason to hope. He loves each one in the 'the church'. And I could only hope that even as I watch this church self destruct it is in this moment that Life and Love will rear its head. Resurrection life only comes after death and I hope this applies to a body that has attacked itself.